Listen to me! Put down the bottle of vodka! No! No! listen! Get up off the floor, stop crying! Rub the tears and snot and/or make up off your face and stand up! Look at that! you’re alive! and your standing…..even if you’re a bit wobbly and you look like you have been dragged through a bush backwards. Look, wash your face, stick on the kettle and we will take this step by step. Cara is here to help you help yourself! Yes have a piece of chocolate, take a deep breath but life will go on, even if you don’t want it to, so you need to get back up on the horse. Even if that horse looks set on bringing you for a hell of a ride right now.
Yes you probably have f*cked up. My apologise if you are offended by that sentence or title but that’s your choice to take offence. Yes you have probably made a mistake and you are feeling horrible OR maybe something quite terrible has happened to you, maybe your whole life has been turned upside-down face. Maybe you are feeling frightened, alone, depressed, tired and like you are losing your mind.
I have been in very dark sad places and it can be incredibly hard to pull yourself out especially when you feel like absolutely everything has gone wrong. Thankfully as I’ve said before “This too shall pass” even the hardest times have passed by and you just need to decide to take positive steps from here.
1) You are NOT ALONE
Believe it or not every single feeling you are experiencing has been felt by other human beings. Your situation is new to you and you may feel like pushing people away and saying they don’t understand but the majority of people have hardships. They feel sadness, pain, anxiety, fear, love and regret. You are special but everyone shares your emotions. You are never alone and you may need to reach out to family and friends as a source of comfort and reasurence that things will get better.
2)Your Mind is Gone a little Crazy
Your mind is probably only focusing right now on the negatives of your situation. Not only is it focusing on the negatives but it is holding a magnifying glass up to them and blowing them up bigger than belt buckles in Texas! You need to remind yourself of this. Be self-aware. Your body is panicking and you need to remind yourself that panic is not helping and you need to remain calm and understand that what is done is done! You are still here and you can move forward. You have the tools you need to get out of this hole.
Thank you for the pain. It made me raise my game.
3)Avoid Self Destructive behaviour
Cry if you want. Scream if you want. laugh if you want. Let out all of your thoughts. This is good it’s the first step because when a wound is fresh you are going to yelp! you are going to screech! you want someone to know you have been hurt! It is natural, every creature does this. When this is done, don’t sink lower. Avoid alcohol as a solution, avoid self-harm, medication or anything that damages or attacks your body. Avoid what reduces your self-awareness and what lowers your ability to heal. You deserve to heal my lovely human being. You deserve love. You deserve a fresh start and to feel happiness. Don’t beat yourself up. If you know something went wrong or you made a mistake in your life these things happen. You weren’t the first and you won’t be the last and you have experienced the pain and sadness now you need to start taking positive steps and become a more knowledgeable person. Learn from this.
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter
4) Do something you enjoy
You may not feel like doing anything but trust me on this. Showing yourself some kindness at this troublesome time is definitely needed. Go outside, be with nature, ground yourself in it. Touch the trees, breath the air remind yourself that there is a big wide world out there and that what you are worried and stressing over is not all there is to your life. Do an activity you enjoy outdoors like cycling or hiking or maybe you enjoy art or music. Just do something other than dwell in your misery for the love of cake!
5) Healing Takes Time
Rushing the healing process will get you nowhere fast. It is normal when you go through something traumatic or sad to find that your motivation, inspiration and creativity go down. This does not mean all is lost. It does not mean you will never paint or play piano or write or work again the way you used to. It means you’re not done healing. your mind and heart are still recovering from what has happened and that is okay and normal. Give yourself a chance and when your body is ready to start again you will know.
Healing takes time and asking for help is a courageous step – Mariska Hargitay
A bad situation is what it is and it will hurt for a while but don’t be defeated. You are in control and you can make positive decisions now to make the future better. Just like the song “Everybody hurts” we all need to realise there are ups and downs to this journey and if you get knocked down seven times be prepared to get up eight! Learn from every experience and be kind to yourself. Sh*t happens! Life happens! Good and bad. Hopefully these things will teach us to rejoice when things go right and be thankful for what we have and also to reach out for love and support when things go wrong.